I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
