ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Randomize
