OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
