just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
