You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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