yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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