Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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