I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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