she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
