im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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