I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
