cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
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Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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