My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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