I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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