yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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