she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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