ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
