he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
