just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
