the condom got lost in my hair
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
