Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
