hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
