haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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