apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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