he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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