ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
