what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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