You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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