Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
