i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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