I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
