Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
