There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
