three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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