So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
