we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
