He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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