Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
