Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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