with your own penis?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
