addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize