Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
