My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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