Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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