that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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