Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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