I hate all girls vehemently.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
