He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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