i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
