dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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