is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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