Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
