man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
