Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
