I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
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So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
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The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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