Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
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I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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