Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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