Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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