2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
