wrigley field is MILF paradise
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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