i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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