i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
