my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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