I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
