Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
