halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
