While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
