you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
