Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
