Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
