i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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