it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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