So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
