why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
