Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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