don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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