I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
