sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
