the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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