i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
