I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh god it's open bar.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize