then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
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The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
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wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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