So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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