Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
